What I love about the themes for my bi-weekly newsletters is how in the lead-up to the newsletter publication date, a theme or a topic will naturally emerge into view. It's as though I have an innate belief and trust that what is meant to bubble up will do so and it always does.
I need to take you back to 2016 to Melbourne, Australia. It was a gorgeous sunny afternoon and I was on a lunch break from work chilling out on the waterside of Port Phillip Bay. I'd often use this time to listen to podcasts or meditate, however, on this particular occasion I was listening to a talk given by a Native American Elder at a Conference in the USA.
It was a powerful and rich exposition of the predicament that the planet is currently facing and covered a wide range of insights and topics. There was one particular line that was spoken, which for some reason at the time landed very strongly with me and is something I can continue to hold close today, so much so that I have found myself saying it lots to various people in the last 2 weeks.
The Elder said something very simple, however very profound in equal measure.
"How we speak the world, shapes the world"
This may sound obvious to some, however, makes no sense to others so let me explain. The Elder continued to explain that the words that we use to describe ourselves, to describe others, and to make sense of the world around us are what create our reality on a day-to-day basis.
To expand this even further, we are also part of a collective whether it be a family, various communities, work environments, and wider social systems. How we speak our world also has a ripple effect in these wider systems. There are ramifications and ripple effects as to how we show up and as such we have a responsibility for developing self-awareness for 1) the language we use and 2) the effects of how we show up.
Let me make this simple. How we speak carries energy and structures how we ascribe meaning to the world around us and shapes our experience. It is also an indicator of our beliefs, values, and character.
Reflection - Take a few moments and notice how you speak and the language that you use. Maybe shift perspective and imagine you were looking back at yourself and listening to what you say and how you say it.
Are you generally positive?
Are you generally negative?
Are there particular sayings that you use frequently? e.g. I don't want to do that because! I can't do that because! That's out of reach for someone like me!
Are you expansive and open or are you restrictive and closed?
It's appreciated that life isn't black and white and we can shift and change through the day however there will be general themes that will be noted. Did anything stand out for you from the exercise? If so message me and let me know what came up.
We say what we say, and we say what we see, typically from a basis of our direct and accumulated life experiences, informed by our family and social environments and the stories we create from that.
This is part of the power of Family Constellations as it can bring to light some of these family stories and language that we inherit and perpetuate in our own lives. As a Facilitator in a workshop setting, I am present to and open to the language and the sentences that the Client and representatives use during a Constellation. The language offers clues to how the Client's worldview is being shaped by these stories .....how we speak the world, shapes the world.
By bringing an awareness to the restrictive language that a person is using, it can then be a catalyst for change. The person becomes more conscious of any self-limiting family stories and empowered to make positive changes in their life.
A very simple example of this is money. I work a couple of days a week from a friend's office in Liverpool City Centre. There's always a deep conversation to be had when we're together and with him, there are strong commonalities. We were both born in the same Council Estate in Liverpool (Netherton), also known as Social Housing to those readers outside of the UK. We both share similar stories.
I have distinct memories of my Nan using sentences like money is the root of all evil, or my Mam saying to me money burns a hole in your pocket. There was a culture of the glorification of being working class and having no money. These words and experiences are like seeds that become embedded in our subconscious, which then grow into core beliefs that can shape our worldview and become our reality.
I have certainly experienced challenges around money because of it and is a good example of how our family culture and words have an effect.
Another example happened today with another Friend who I am doing some regular co-coaching with. We are supporting each other in developing our ideas, and one particular line that I noticed her saying repeatedly was 'what I don't want' or 'I don't want this or that'.
It was never about what she wanted in terms of her life and work and so I reflected that back at her, with the consequence being that she was then able to elicit a different positive response about what she wanted, rather than being restricted by what was not wanted.
How we speak the world, shapes the world.
What language do you use on a day-to-day basis that shapes your life? Are there any particular sayings that you use regularly? A good exercise is to ask people around you and close to you whether they hear you saying certain things. How might you say things in the same way that your parents or grandparents say?
I'd love to hear more so please do get in touch with any reflections.
Our Families and Family Culture have a profound influence on who we are and how we are and a key part of that is the stories and the language. Join me for a future Family
Constellations Workshop and explore how you can change your life disentangle from your stories and bring awareness to any limiting language.
Be the change, break the chain.
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